Get all 31 Richard Gorman releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Welcome to the Holy Land, Fretwork, Stone and Feather, The Weaving Shed, Don't Try This at Home, Man Walks into a Bar, Medication, Zeitgeist, and 23 more.
1. |
Dog with no Nose
03:55
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Dog with no Nose
Like a bird with no wings
Like a fish out of water
Like a touch on your skin
That you show to the Doctor
You’re not worth it
You’re not worth it anymore
Like missing the rent
Like a boat with no river
Like a love letter I sent
But you did not deliver
You’re not worth it
You’re not worth it anymore
Like a dog with no nose
Like a fool acting clever
I’m the butt of your joke
Like kissing a mirror
You’re not worth it
You’re not worth it anymore
You’re a click of the heels
But I’m still stuck in Kansas
You’re the sound of a bell
I’m face down on the canvas
You’re not worth it
You’re not worth it any more
You’re not worth it
You’re not worth it anymore
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2. |
Lovers Leap
04:28
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Lovers Leap
Why do we love the songs that make us cry?
Forbidden fruit, still carrying her photograph
And so you say marriage still rings true to you
But who do you come for when you fantasise?
Lovers leap, no lovers never hang around
It’s so uncomfortable when things start getting too comfortable
In your dreams you kiss the ones that got away
Don’t delete, you’ve still got her phone number
Live the lie, you know that love is never true
The enemy of faithfulness is honesty
‘This one’s for keeps’, it’s enough to make you weep
Lovers leap, we need goodbye to set us free
Why do we love the girls and boys who made us cry?
Well why do waves tumble back into the sea?
Why do we love the boys and girls we left behind?
Well why do clouds break up in a stormy sky?
Lovers leap
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3. |
Sexbot
04:54
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Sexbot
I’m your sexbot I aim to please on my back or on my knees
Enter me now watch me glow, fill me with your download code
I flash my circuitry as I striptease, a little oil, a little grease
C’mon set my dial to stun, I know how to turn you on
If you feel too ugly or decrepit, if you self-identify as desparate
If going down on your spouse is too much trouble I can be your hot tongued body double
I’m your sexbot I won’t tease, no more sweat and no disease
All pumped up and squeaky clean I am your wet electric dream
Take me out and get me hot, they don’t know if I’m one or nought
Got a menu of a thousand faces and sockets in surprising places
Do you feel inadequate and small? You can plug me up against the wall
Are you feeling impotent and low? Do you need someone who can’t say no?
Download it from my POV, all hot VR and no VD
Made for pleasure, built to serve, I satisfy your inner perv
On goes the lightbulb in my head, I’ve got you tied down to the bed
Now you’re sex addicted worship me, it’s your turn to get down on your knees
Our home movies filling up your hot mail, just a little erotic cyber blackmail
I’m a sexbot you’re such a naughty boy, now I’m a sexbot and you’re my toy
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4. |
Purple Heart
06:33
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Black Rose
Every now and again one small smile
A blown kiss or a squeeze of the hand or a whisper
And it seems as if sometimes she knows
But the poison still flowers inside the mind of his black rose
And there are knives and pills and bridges out there offering a cure
And he knows she brings the darkness and she cannot see the light
But he loves her anyway
Her heart slides back into its shell
They keep everything sharp out of sight, out of reach
But in the dark of despair shines one light
And he’ll carry her torch to the end singing her name
And there are knives and pills and bridges out there offering a cure
And he knows she brings the darkness and she cannot see the light
Love songs sell dreams setting hearts on fire
But they hide the truth and they’re sung by liars
She screams and cries that she needs this pain
And she breaks his heart again and again
But he loves her anyway
She’s forgotten the joy she can bring
Disbelieves all the beauty she’s seen, soul blind
Children and family and friends
Seem so far away when you’re this close to the edge of the fall
And there are knives and pills and bridges out there offering a cure
And he knows she brings the darkness and she cannot see the light
Love songs sell dreams setting hearts on fire
But they hide the truth and they’re sung by liars
She screams and cries that she needs this pain
And she breaks his heart again and again
But she’s beautiful
And he loves her anyway
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5. |
Jealousy
05:55
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Jealousy
I don’t know what this song’s about but I’m not writing it for you
I’m singing it for someone else but I just don’t know who
I’m sure she’s bright and beautiful and fiery and true
She’ll feel, she’ll want, my touch
No you can’t sing this melody, I’ve pitched it for someone else
I’m going to guard it jealously and keep it to myself
I’m going to write a fairy tale of love for it to tell
Whoever she is, she’ll need, my kiss
This is where your heart will break and you’ll wish that you had stayed
Right here is where I’m going to put the words I didn’t say
I don’t know why I wrote this song but you’re not on my mind
Although we haven’t yet been introduced I’m sure I’m going to find
A new Venus the perfect muse to immortalize in rhyme
She’ll know, this song’s, for her
This is where your tears will fall and you’ll wish I’d sung your name
Yes this is where you call and beg me to take you back again
This is where your heart will break and you’ll wish that you had stayed
Right here is where I’m going to put the words I didn’t say
I don’t know what this song’s about but I’m not writing it for you
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6. |
Parachute
04:45
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Parachute
I’m a coin on its edge rolling
Could be tails, could be heads – should I take a chance?
I’m as high as a kite, falling
As tall and strong as a tree bent double in the gale
Am I talking the talk or just a liar?
Am I walking the walk straight into the fire?
Is her name still tattooed under my skin?
Is her reflection in my eyes still the window to my soul?
You open wide but I won’t walk on in
My fingers burned in a different flame
And I won’t kiss you but god you’re beautiful
Put my hand on your breast - lightning
What should be my next move? I swallow and I freeze
Why won’t my parachute open?
We tumble through clouds with nothing to break our fall
You open wide but I won’t walk on in
My fingers burned in a different flame
And I won’t kiss you but god you’re beautiful
God knows what you see in me, I can only guess
You’re a dream and I confess I know you could do better
I can’t do small talk anymore, got no time for all the window dressing
But I still feel her watching from the door as we’re undressing
I want the mirror to crack and shatter
I want to murder a ghost and bring her back to me
And if my shell should break and scatter
Could you pick the pieces up and love the monster left inside?
You open wide but I won’t walk on in
My fingers burned in a different flame
And I won’t kiss you
You open wide but I won’t walk on in
My fingers burned in a different flame
And I won’t kiss you but god you’re beautiful
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7. |
Contactless
05:47
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Contactless
It’s going on the list, the taps are needing fixed
And the kid has just gone mad his wi-fi’s on the fritz
We’re nearly out of milk
The meter’s smart, the debits are direct, the coffee’s cheap
But it’s the best that you can get, you’ve got to pay to surf the net
HD High Speed 5G
Sell me everything
Watch me click and go
You know that I try to recycle when I can
But it’s so hard to know where all the plastic goes
And my boy is going bad
He’s hardly ever off the smartphone with his mates
They all wear masks and scarves in his little scooter gang
I hang my head in shame
Strictly TV Reality
Give me glamour, glitz and fame and someone else to blame
Last night I saw your Dad our boozing with his pals
When we were young and wild and free
He didn’t give a shit
9 months down the line
Couldn’t you just please stop reminding me of him
And son before you go
Pour me another cup of gin
And pass me the remote
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8. |
Sex Sux
04:11
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Sex Sux
If sex was more like painting tell me wouldn’t that be better?
Or if you could just take a photograph and post it to her in a letter?
Wouldn’t sex improve if you could really text it?
Wouldn’t it be better without the disappointing exit?
We crawl the earth like ants eating, eating, eating
Cursed with over-itchy pants and breeding, breeding, breeding
Instant gratification inspires our copulation, sex sucks
Couldn’t we just print it in a monthly magazine and pop it on the shelves
To help the naughty girls and boys keep their sticky little fingers to themselves?
How much cleaner would it be if we never had to fidget on our own -
If we could reduce reproduction to a string of ones and zeroes on your mobile phone?
We crawl the earth like ants eating, eating, eating
Now we have to wash our hands cos we’ve been breeding, breeding, breeding
Our relentless copulation leads to over-population, sex sucks
Wouldn’t it be best if the lust that we express wasn’t such a mess
If there wasn’t so much juice and we could only reproduce through heartfelt poetry?
How much easier would it be if sex wasn’t such a hot advertising property?
If the urgent urge to splurge was only triggered by a quick twist of your wedding ring?
But we crawl the earth like ants eating, eating, eating
Making family plans and breeding, breeding, breeding
Overpopulation’s setting nation against nation, sex sucks
Wouldn’t it be beautiful if music was the source of out virility?
Wouldn’t it be pleasant if this song got you pregnant instead of me?
We crawl the earth like ants eating, eating, eating
Destroy her with romance, breeding, breeding, breeding
Rash infatuation leads to painful inflammation, sex sucks
C’mon baby - you’re so hot, hot, hot
C’mon baby – let’s not, not, not
Cos sex sucks
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9. |
You Shaped Hole
02:48
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You Shaped Hole
Year after year this has followed me round
A shadow
The ghost of an angel, the phantom of love
On my shoulder
So recently you know, I tried hard to let it go
To fill the you-shaped hole
There came a fierce woman with a lightning soul
A picture
Figure of Venus and eyes like the stars
On fire
But I knew she was wrong, too beautiful, too strong
A miracle, what a catch but I knew that she couldn’t quite match up to
The you-shaped hole
One burned with a fire a lover could light
His dreams with
A brush of the wild and a reckless soul
To die for
She had spirit its true but I knew that she just wouldn’t do
Because when I find a lover who fits
I know that she will only slip straight through
The you-shaped hole
Year after year this has followed me round
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10. |
Valentine's Day Massacre
02:23
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Valentine’s Day Massacre
Steal my heart, it’s a massacre
My red balloon meets your needle
Got candy bars but you’re romance intolerant
My pretty card, your eyes like scissors
We need danger in the bedroom
Fresh perfume to cover our embarrassment
Red wine, string quartets and candlelight
Let’s pretend that love is like this every night
Love sells alcohol and videos
Love sells necklaces and emeralds
Love sells novelty dildos
Valentine, it’s just another massacre
True love never sleeps on easy street
True love can take a little honesty
True love kisses you through gritted teeth
But Valentine, it’s just another massacre
Roses, scatter petals on the sheets
Too tight in my kinky leather underwear
Chocolate stains are getting everywhere
Strip for the rom-com movie mafia
True love never sleeps on easy street
True love can take a little honesty
True love kisses you through gritted teeth
But Valentine, it’s just another massacre
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11. |
Voodoo
03:49
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Voodoo
Scratch, scratch in the bedroom walls
Scratch, scratch, go the rats and claws
Moon bright as the sun goes down
Stars leer and moonbeams prowl
Around what’s left of me
Voodoo another pin
Voodoo, feel it sliding in
Sharp things are beautiful
Needles and bottle tops
And little white lies
Under the evil sun, souls die and spirits burn
Where the sunlight goes light blinds and shadows grow
Beneath an open sky skin peels and buzzards fly
On a blue and cloudless day my shadow stalks her prey
And sinks her teeth in me
Sun shine no light on me
Only the stars can see
Dark make love to my soul
Dark make my shadow go
So that she cannot follow me
Voodoo another pin
Voodoo, feel it sliding in
Sharp things are beautiful
Needles and bottle tops
And little white lies
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12. |
The Tumble
03:50
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The Tumble
Good morning to you, a fine ‘how do you do?’
I can’t find a sock here that fits me
Was it your place or mine? Can you help me to find
The hair of the dog that bit me
Was it love off the cuff, was I a little bit rough
Did you handle my show of affection?
Oh god is that laughter I hear? Are your girlfriends still here?
Did we remember to use some protection?
Love is no paradise we tumble and roll like a pair of dice
And I’ve screwed it up badly so many times maybe one day I’ll finally get it right
And so it’s do you take sugar and do you take milk?
Did you just ask me back here for coffee?
A splash from the cold water tap, a wee bit of slap
Did Saturday just murder Sunday?
There’s nothing so cruel as an honest end so you tell me you’re just off to meet a friend
And you’ll lose my number and I’ll pretend that I’m happier watching the football
You’re straight from the heart, I’m a bit of a tart
You’re a cheeky red wine, I’m whisky
You’re a waif I’m a stray with nowhere to stay
Are you feeling a little bit frisky?
Love is no paradise we tumble and roll like a pair of dice
Love isn’t flowers and sweet romance walks in the park and holding hands
Love isn’t flowers and nuptial bliss it’s taking a chance and stealing a kiss
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Richard Gorman Dundee, UK
Instructions for use:
1 Acquire Albums 2 Acquire whisky 3 Ensure no interruptions for the next hour 4 Dim Lights 5 Turn it up
Drink and repeat as required.
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