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Don't Try This at Home

by Richard Gorman

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Actually please do try this at home! Another tasty cocktail of songs and tunes to recklessly overindulge in. Snort it up, knock it back or even just listen to it.

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  • Full Digital Discography

    31
    releases

    Get all 31 Richard Gorman releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Welcome to the Holy Land, Fretwork, Stone and Feather, The Weaving Shed, Don't Try This at Home, Man Walks into a Bar, Medication, Zeitgeist, and 23 more. , and , .

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1.
Don't Try This at Home 02:30
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Don’t Try This at Home Don’t you just love, don’t you just love the simple life Two kids, a car, a dog, a wife? Don’t you just love your ninety-inch TV Your new smartphone, school run, steak for tea? But sometimes when you’re dreaming and you’re jerking off alone You call your secret lover up Don’t try this at home Re-enacting Waterloo, shooting Apocalypse Now 2, making jam with superglue Hardcore drugs in homemade bread, prostitutes in water beds, spanked ‘til your cheeks turn red Don’t try this at home Ain’t life sweet with slippers on your feet Growing fat and old with your precious band of gold? Hosting your own rodeo, BDSM picture show, wearing bras and panty hoes Operating on your cranium, mining for uranium, semen stains – explaining ‘em Before your wife comes home One day when you’re daydreaming and tugging at your bone She’s gonna catch you in the act Don’t try this at home
2.
Frost 04:47
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Frost Frost casts silver upon the antlers of trees Upstart lightning Broken fingers choke the dawn Blue black winter Helpless morning star I ask forgiveness for the sins of winters past But you blow the whole house down Dream of summer, the cruelest dream of all It burns, it blinds us and comes before the fall I spy through the cracked and frozen crystal of my eye No you and I and no way home Lips between the black ice and an iron sky still breathing Facing down each winter with a broken heart still bleeding Snow
3.
Last of the Rhinos 04:41
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Last of the Rhinos Wednesday morning waiting for the rain Here comes the gas bill that I cannot pay Boiling the kettle picking at my plate Yes, I’m picking and pissing my life away On the TV, on the TV there’s the girl I love On the TV, there’s a starship and they’re taking off She’s won’t take it off She won’t take it off for me? Last of the rhinos, well what do you care? It isn’t here, it’s only over there I heard on the news the swastikas have won They say stick to the booze, it’s dusted and it’s done The flower of Scotland line up outside the Athletic Bar Cramming the ashtrays, impersonating scrunched up fags We out stare passing cars We don’t know who we are Anymore
4.
Karen and Mabel 02:51
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5.
Sfakiot Rebetika 04:52
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fakiot Rebetika All about us the dead stone sings Every girl a god every man a king Cretan heart Sfakiot Partisan, patriot The Southern wind blows fire in our eyes Where goat herds graze defiant trees We will not bow or bend the knee Fatal plans and pacts are forged Within each shadow ridden gorge Madara pours ice water in our veins Venetians, Catholics, Franks and Turks Have choked upon Dorian blood Your fascist German swastika Will crack and bleed in Sfakia No Sfakiot shall be a slave Drosoulites march from the grave
6.
The Stroll 02:41
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7.
Sarah and the Birds 08:36
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Sarah and the Birds Here she walked, she walked, she walked And here she fell, she fell, she fell Cut along the shore, ghosts dance with the waves Gulls lament an angry sky, burst flowers on the wire He remembers Sarah and the birds Cliffs of grey and red, the dark and narrow path The Bell Rock lighthouse tolls and watches the waves’ final embrace He remembers Sarah and the birds The North Sea hungers without sympathy Without their well intended questions or their smiles True and cruel as the rockface As hard and honest as the swell Which bore her away Past the harbour town, beyond the yellow fields Where black winds court white breakers a mile above the sea She remembers how Sarah loved to dance Pack her bag for school, ‘What dress will I wear?’ The car trips to the seaside, ‘Are we nearly there?’ She remembers Sarah and the birds Time and tide wait for no man Not for the stars or the sun We can only watch as they wait for us We can only watch as they murder and take from us And drag her below Here she walked, she walked, she walked And here she fell, she fell, she fell
8.
aquí no se rinde nadie 03:08
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aquí no se rinde nadie Well please excuse me if I’m telling you what you already know But the writing’s on the wall again A shrug and you just toe the line, is that how the story goes? You tell me that they’re all the same Forgive me if the obvious just puts you off your drink Do you really just need someone else to blame? The truth it leaves a bitter taste so you pour it down the sink And you ask what’s the point of making waves? You don’t believe the photographs, you don’t believe your eyes Raped by the Great Deceiver but you don’t want to believe her You’re voting for Caesar aquí no se rinde nadie aquí no se rinde nadie The cost of living’s rising but life’s still going cheap What you’re worth is never what you earn It’s all easier to swallow when you’re crawling on your knees But if you never fight you’ll never learn You try so hard to close your mind to his devilry and sin She swears blind that he’s Lucifer, you pretend that you can’t hear her You’re voting for Caesar aquí no se rinde nadie aquí no se rinde nadie aquí no se rinde nadie aquí no se rinde nadie
9.
Last Song 02:22
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Last Song Give me road child Give me road when I’m going nowhere Please give me somewhere To go when my light fades And my race is run Take me with you Take me with you my child Take me with you In your heart when my star fades In the back of your mind In your heart for the hard days Just a flicker of light
10.
The Girl from Balmerino 04:06
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The Girl from Balmerino I’m living the dream with the samba girls on Broughty Ferry beach Play sand soccer on the strand and laughing as the frostbite starts to burn my hands Throw those overcoats away, let’s go skinny dipping in the North Sea spray Cristo Redentor watches from the Law The girl from Balmerino makes you go ‘ah’ Perfect skin on my screen, squeezed into bikinis that I can hardly see And the Olympian physique of Copacabana cruisers slippery with heat I glide down Riverside to watch the sexy raincoats slip and slide In Grumari it’s just another sunny day Watch your Tayport parasol just fly away Watch us dancing Bat Macumba as Tropicalia lights up Dundee We can samba, we can rumba on Bossa Nova Broughty Ferry beach I twerk to the beat of Club Tropicana Constitution Street It’s Carnoustie Carnival, I’m shuffling to lose the sand that’s clinging to my balls Go Brazilian today, get your kit off and swing through Newport-on-Tay They got golden skin and tans But I’ve got a Tennent’s lager tinny in my hand Watch us dancing Bat Macumba as Tropicalia lights up Dundee We can samba, we can rumba on Bossa Nova Broughty Ferry beach Watch us dancing Bat Macumba as Tropicalia lights up Dundee We can samba, we can rumba on the Bossa Nova ferry Bossa Nova Broughty Ferry Bossa Nova Broughty Ferry beach
11.
Rosemary 05:46
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Rosemary Sweet Rosemary what do you see? Row merrily, life’s but a dream Capture a falling star, wish upon the moon The Owl and the Pussycat, the honey and the spoon Sweet Rosie you play with the truth Burning down both ends of the flower of youth Capture a falling star, wish upon the moon Needle tracks lead to the stars bursting her balloon Fools rush in where angels fear to tread They don’t know what they’re missing Rosie spreads her wings far above her feather bed A little piece of heaven Her little piece of heaven Sweet Rosemary I drink what you breathe One kiss and I believe, it’s the high life for me Capture a falling star, wish upon the moon Fly so high, fall so far, want too much too soon Fools rush in where angels fear to tread They don’t know what they’re missing Rosie spreads her wings far above her feather bed A little piece of heaven Her little piece of heaven
12.
Always Away 01:25
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13.
Beatitude 03:08
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Beatitude Oh my god we’ve lost the plot It doesn’t matter if you’re real or not Praise mohammed, buddha, jesus christ When close your mind we all pay the price But no-one’s an atheist, a jew or a muslim Make this precious world your only religion No-one’s a hindu, a buddhist or a christian Make one another your only religion The gawdy and godless, fanatics and causeless Your brother’s a god and your sister’s a goddess Your rules and your pride, your donations and prayers Just feed a monster that isn’t even there And no-one’s just an atheist, a jew or a muslim Make this precious world your only religion No-one’s a hindu, a buddhist or a christian Make one another your only religion The more that you’re certain the more that you’re guessing The more you condemn the more you’re confessing The more you look down the more you’re oppressing Swap god for a stranger then give them your blessing No-one’s an atheist, a jew or a muslim Make this precious world your only religion No-one’s a hindu, a buddhist or a christian Make one another your only religion Compassion is truth, reason’s a godsend Can’t you see that Love is your only commandment? It won’t come from above or the second amendment Love conquers all, hosanna amen Because no-one’s an atheist, a jew or a muslim Make this precious world your only religion No-one’s a hindu, a buddhist or a christian Make one another your only religion No-one’s an atheist, a jew or a muslim Make this precious world your only religion No-one’s a hindu, a buddhist or a christian Make one another your only religion

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released July 12, 2022

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Richard Gorman Dundee, UK

Instructions for use:

1 Acquire Albums 2 Acquire whisky 3 Ensure no interruptions for the next hour 4 Dim Lights 5 Turn it up

Drink and repeat as required.

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