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Man Walks into a Bar

by Richard Gorman

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Take a load off. Come on in. Take a table. Order something strong. Pull up a stool. We've got songs and tales for the dark, tunes for the light and a finish to warm your heart.

    Jewel case with cover photo taken by a helpful boozer outside Whites Bar in Dundee.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Man Walks into a Bar via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 31 Richard Gorman releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Welcome to the Holy Land, Fretwork, Stone and Feather, The Weaving Shed, Don't Try This at Home, Man Walks into a Bar, Medication, Zeitgeist, and 23 more. , and , .

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1.
Twist of Lime Today I will think twice about A twist of lime In another margarita Open my eyes if skies are blue, are blue and empty Diggers on my pavement out drilling and scraping the days away Junkie floats along the white lines from Hilltown down to the Overgate And her motability scooter helps her wobble to yet another greasy take away Too much traffic, too much bad shit in Juturama City Oh I know I’ve got tequila and Ludwig and Foxtrot to comfort me And I see the sun is out showering her gold on the Tay And I’ll go down and tongue worship any girl I can find who’ll put up with me But the sweat and the rules and the kissing of arses to land yourself the latest smartphone And the bullshitting bullies and bosses are all flocking like carrion birds of a feather Some days it’s all I can do to slap my cock in my pants in the morning and keep it all together Music saved me today At home tonight I’ll raise my glass To Juturama City.
2.
Man Walks into a Bar Man walks into a bar With a ten spot and a cheap guitar Says this Dundee dive bar’s what I need Got to make my fingers bleed I’ve got to make your heart burn and your sweat run down the wall I’ve got stick a dirty poison needle in your soul I want your pretty eyes to water when you listen to my song Cos if it doesn’t sting and hurt you know I played it wrong She died and left me taking everything Except a crying baby and this set of strings God knows I try, God knows I fail So, I scratch the truth out with my fingernails We all feel better getting high on someone else’s pain You’ve heard this old song before and now you’re hearing it again I’m only getting over it when I push it further down I let my guitar start the fire then burn it to the ground
3.
4.
Fireside Angel Fireside angel, my fireside angel Burn my blood and dance the dance Burn my blood and dance the dance Fireside angel, my fireside angel For one perfect little death For one perfect little death – we dance Colour white or colour blue Vows are broken and only the rain And the gale are true Twist and break me Twist and break me Fireside angel, my fireside angel Seven fingers broken bones Seven fingers broken bones Fireside angel, my fireside angel Ragged corpses lead the way As ragged corpses lead the way – we dance Colour black and colour blue Hearts are broken and only the storm And the sea are true Twist and… Twist and… Kiss these lips and die with me Kiss these lips and die with me Angel Angel
5.
Last Summer 02:15
Last Summer All the thirsty flowers bow their heads All the bees and sparrows leave the fields All the hawks and owls won’t lay their eggs In one perfect summer which never ends All the grass is yellow and the earth is hard All the hungry cattle rest their bones We’ll hide beneath the stones and we’ll fear the sun ‘til all the greedy monsters are dead and gone
6.
Cloudburst 03:12
Cloudburst Tears rain down, eyeballs bleed Storm clouds roll, heart disease But I don’t mind, no I don’t mind how this story goes I don’t mind You and I made heaven cry But I don’t mind, I don’t mind how the truth gets bent I don’t mind how our story ends Tongues and eyes and hearts and fingers burn with holy fire Greed and jealousy and hunger, lust, and red desire Tongues and eyes and hearts and fingers burn with holy fire Greed and jealousy and hunger, lust, and red desire Taste like this The land shall flood, Mountains quake The lake of Blood, the dam shall break But I don’t mind, I don’t mind and I can’t pretend Because I don’t mind how our story ends
7.
The Touch 03:19
The Touch Barren years, sunless days I have not felt the touch Burning tears, moonless nights Gathering my thoughts I will not bow to beauty To fantasy or lust I will not mend or find my rest Until I feel the touch Comfort is the easy lie Virtue crowns the fool Some foretell a brighter light If I let go of you But joy and peace are no release From matters of the soul I will not hang upon a kiss Until I feel the touch
8.
9.
Remembrance 02:52
Remembrance Thanks for your kind remembrance For sharing your oh so precious memories And I’m sure that the flowers you sent were beautiful So glad you could make it And you with your twisted arm So bitter I can taste it Through your sincerity and charm Oh, what could be more heartfelt than the printed word A pale bloom pressed on cardboard with her favourite song Is there somewhere better that you’d rather be? Couldn’t we just let her legacy Alone? Did she put you out by loving strangers so far from home? Was she worth a hole? Was she worth a stone? Thank you for your kind remembrance
10.
Hairy Egg 02:37
Hairy Egg Oh, God I want you Oh, my God I want to Cover your ham slices with my coleslaw Find the piece that’s missing from our jigsaw I want to We purr like we’re sympatico and rub our sticks together But we’re completely incompatible birds of a different feather But I want you If lust and flesh were everything, we’d be an atom bomb We’re still living in the moment, but the moment’s been and gone But I still want to We’re like a lobster flying through the air Like an egg with hair But I want to be the butter on your bread I want to be the bonfire in your bed I want what I have to say to be unsaid Oh, God I want you Oh, my God I want to Be the fish inside your batter For sex to be the only thing that matters You know I want you If body heat was all the fuel we needed to take off I wouldn’t keep on calling round to try to call it off But I’ve got to I want to do my talking with my hands I know I’ve got to think outside my pants But I don’t want to Like a billionaire in abject squalor Like an adverb to a professional footballer You’re a goddess, I’m a fool I know we did it beautiful But lover this is hard knock school
11.
Avalon 03:09
Avalon The crystal ships are leaving They drift out from the coast They came to take our dreamers And our ghosts She was blue and he was turning A whiter shade of pale The rocket men are flying To the dark side of the moon They’re taking back our heroes Too soon In a starless sky with diamonds Up those stairs to Paradise The spirits of the radio Dance out with the moonlit knight The Peace Train is leaving All aboard for Avalon It came to take our dreamers Back home
12.
Feeding the Fish Magnus feeds a penny to the fish Magnus holds my hand and makes a wish The wind runs her fingers through my hair And suddenly you’re there Karen holds a lost child on the phone He feels her heart, he knows he’s not alone Her gift of love is infinite and free And calls her back to me Bring me the sleet and the wind and the rain Bring me your fear and your hurt and your shame And I swear I will stay strong I swear I will be strong No matter how fast this world spins It cannot leave you behind I sing this song for everyone I love For every kiss and every healing touch Feel me forever at your side Forever at your side Magnus feeds a penny to the fish Magnus holds my hand and makes a wish The wind runs her fingers through my hair And suddenly you’re there

about

Dark Dundee twists and turns with light at the end of the tunnel.

credits

released July 12, 2022

Music, words and pictures - Richard Gorman
Production - Stuart Duncan

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Richard Gorman Dundee, UK

Instructions for use:

1 Acquire Albums 2 Acquire whisky 3 Ensure no interruptions for the next hour 4 Dim Lights 5 Turn it up

Drink and repeat as required.

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